i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
