I don't think brook has ever known best
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
