I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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