Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
