Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I could make wine with my vomit
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
