a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
