are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
