saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
