i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
