That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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