Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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