guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
