I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
