Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
