Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
