found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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