I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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