I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
