Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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