I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
