This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
