a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
