I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
