as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
