i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm at about main and main street
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
