dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think a kid would responsible me up
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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