The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
