the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
