Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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