I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
