i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
