You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
People in love make me want to vomit
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
