i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
