Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
