How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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