So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
