When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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