I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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