Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
