our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
