Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I will pee on everything he values.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
