ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
