I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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