I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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