I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
