i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
