You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
