I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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