i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
