And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
