Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
