i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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