Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
